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FEATURED ASK THE EXPERT
INTERVIEW
May: Stacy Parker-Fisher, All Kinds of Minds
Topic: Social Cognition
What about a student who CHOOSES to be a loner....is perfectly HAPPY
watching sports on TV and I.M.-ing friends? This student is a great kid...
nice, smart etc. He used to love being with friends (usually one on one).
Should adults intervene if he is happy with status quo?
Friendships are formed based on shared experiences. Encourage your child to
have real experiences with other students (virtual experiences translate to
virtual relationships which do not have the power or require the skillfulness
of face to face encounters….success in life still depends upon that ability to
navigate the ‘real time’ relationship). Think about ways you can ‘engineer’
shared experiences with your child and peers (camping, book store trips, hikes,
sporting events), or consider activities that would provide shared experiences
with peers (camps, scouts, youth groups, school clubs).
My daughter is in the tween stage. Most of the time she does not want to
call friends to play. She only has one close friend. Should I be concerned?
Research has shown that was is critical for children is to have at least one
reciprocal friendship. When children are followed into adulthood, those who
have had at least one close friendship are likely to find satisfaction as
adults with their social connections. Encourage your daughter in this
friendship, while providing opportunities for her to widen her group of social
contacts. But if she remains close with just one friend, likely there is not a
reason for concern.
My son is 14; emotionally he seems much younger. He doesn't seem to see how
he is perceived by others.
It may be helpful to watch interactions between children (e.g., on the
sidelines at a soccer game, at the mall, at a scout meeting, etc.) with your
son and have some conversations where you ‘debrief’ what you observed. Talk
about an exchange that went particularly well (e.g., two peers your son’s age
who were getting along well). What things happened that made it work? Talk
about an interaction that didn’t go well. What things got in the way? (talking
too loud, interrupting, too much physical contact, etc.). Ask your son to think
about one thing that he could model from the successful interaction next time
he is with a friend or social contact. Helping your son to become more aware of
the behaviors that form connections and those that close off interactions may
help him to be more planful in how he interacts and to demonstrate behaviors
that are age appropriate.
My daughter is 12 years old. She is diagnosed as Learning Disabled, with a
disability in Writing. She also has memory problems (retaining, etc.). Last
year, the school and I finally began the process of explaining her learning
differences. My daughter is not accepting the reality of her situation. She is
struggling in every subject, but insists that she does not need the extra help
and services that she receives. At the same time, she constantly compares
herself to other children who do not have learning issues, and she now feels
stupid. Her self esteem is sinking, and she is having difficulties making
friends. How can I help my daughter to accept her differences, and to work to
overcome them?
Help your daughter to create a 360 degree picture of herself. At All Kinds of
Minds, we call this a profile. This profile is a concrete picture of her
strengths and weaknesses. As you create this profile, be sure you highlight
those skills that will be important to your daughter’s success in adulthood.
Often success in school-related tasks looms large and we forget how memorizing
math facts is not a great predictor of success in life!
There are many ways to manage memory issues. However, strong verbal
communication skills, the ability to problem solve and plan, and learning to
make connections with other people are critical strengths for life success that
may not be measured on a report card.
ABOUT THE EXPERT
Stacy Parker Fisher is Vice President of Research and Program Development for
All Kinds of Minds. Stacy has been with All Kinds of Minds since Jan. 2001. Her
work includes managing the teams that develop the curriculum, guide the
facilitator development program and support networked learning communities and
lead the research and evaluation of Institute programs. Prior to coming to the
Institute, Stacy was a teacher (12 years), pediatric faculty member at SIU
School of Medicine, clinician in private practice and educational consultant.
Stacy initiated her PhD work with Steve Asher at the University of Illinois
focusing on the social development of children. She developed and evaluated
projects with the Springfield, Illinois school system to provide social skills
curricula to fifth and sixth grade students.
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