While learning represents a major challenge for all kids, it does not compare to the social aspects of school in terms of its potential to create unhappiness and maladjustment among students.

From early in the morning until well into the evening, kids labor under relentless pressure to gain the approval of their peers, to sidestep public embarrassment, and to form protective and supportive friendships. For some, the social campaign yields devastating, even tragic results; they are crushed by their personal inability to build a positive reputation with their classmates. Often these kids have social cognitive dysfunctions. They simply lack the brain wiring needed for social success.

We can divide social cognitive functions and dysfunctions into three general areas: verbal social ability, non-verbal social ability, and political skill. Let's take a look at how each of these skills affects childrens' success in the classrooms, corridors and playgrounds of our schools.

Verbal Social Ability
Kids need to talk appropriately with other kids. Socially successful students usually have good conversational skills. They pick their topics well and are able to regulate their tone of voice, choice of words, and sentence structure to resonate with prevailing moods. They know how to talk kid language credibly, and they are adept at using language that makes others like them and also, feel good themselves.

Children with social language dysfunctions may talk about the wrong things at the wrong time. They may sound angry when they're not angry. They may have trouble "reading" other peoples' feelings from the way they speak or sound. Socially rejected students are often boastful or verbally abrasive. When they try to converse with peers, their choice of language may make them sound too old or too young. In essence, they may be totally ineffective at using language as an instrument for social success.

Non-verbal Social Ability
The non-verbal aspects of socialization are just as relevant as the verbal aspects. Non-verbal social skills include the ability to resolve conflicts without fighting or resorting to verbal abuse. Knowing how to respond to the social behavior of others, for example, being able to interpret other peoples' facial expressions and body language is just as crucial. Finally, children who are socially adept also know how to "market" themselves, i.e., develop an image that is appealing to others (often reflected by the way they dress, act, move their bodies, etc.). Regrettably, some students seem to be socially clueless when it comes to these nonverbal interpersonal processes. They may have no idea how they are coming across, and why they keep hearing, "Sorry, this seat is saved."

The Political Challenge
Success in school is, at least in part, a political affair. Different kids are more or less successful in pleasing their highly judgmental constituencies.

The group that students most need to win over is their teachers. Indeed, children learn political skills by getting their teachers to like and respect them. Once called "apple polishing," this is a practical part of real world education. Relating well to your teachers in school is the precursor to getting your boss to like and reward you as an adult!

Sadly, some kids have less than optimal relationships with the important adults in their lives, and seem unable to nurture positive interactions with those that supervise and evaluate them. Naturally, they suffer as a result of these weaknesses. They seem to miss the point that teachers are human beings, and have a need for students to compliment them, appreciate them as individuals, and also to show an interest in the subject matter they teach.

Some Helpful Hints
Parents and schools should monitor the social successes and failures of children and adolescents. Some kids need practical advice on how to succeed (or at least survive) socially. In severe cases, social skills training may be required, if available. In all instances, parents or caretakers need to serve as social sounding boards, so kids can confide in them about social setbacks endured during the school day. Such adults need to be very good listeners, avoiding the temptation to be overly reassuring (e.g., "don't worry about it, just ignore her"), and the impulse to preach a sermon.

More than anything, kids with social difficulties need adults who can be sympathetic to their situations, and who are able to offer practical advice. Sometimes, for example, a mentor in the community can help advocate for a child with social cognitive dysfunctions. At other times, when a child is being actively bullied by peers, parents may need to intercede with school administrators. Whenever possible, however, adults should provide consultation and advice only; the child should attempt to solve his own interpersonal difficulties. Learning the best ways to function in our social world is a critical skill for all students.